Active Listeners Can Change the World
The top traits to look for in business partners, employees and friends include honesty, integrity, intelligence, humor, creativity, problem-solving skills, team-orientation and, most importantly, listening skills. A good listener is skilled at active listening. Why? Because, as Tim Denning sums up perfectly,
“Quiet people change the world because they hear things others don’t.”
Often, poor listening is due to distractions. Pandemic-induced physical isolation in recent years resulted in heavy reliance on social media and Zoom to connect with friends, family, and colleagues. Now, more than ever, it is difficult to avoid distractions like the latest Tiktok video or the current outrage on Twitter.
Author Dan Lyons, who is a self-proclaimed “talkaholic,” explores the biological origins of over-talking and concludes after years of research, that it’s a case of nature, not nurture. No matter the cause of the oversharing (i.e., environmental or biological), Time magazine argues,
“Learning to keep your mouth shut can change your life. It can make you more likable, more creative, and more powerful.”
Active listening requires the ability to focus, the use of soft skills, and emotional intelligence. Key techniques you can implement during a one-on-one discussion, in a negotiation or in a group meeting include:
Asking probing questions;
Building trust and rapport;
Paraphrasing to demonstrate understanding;
Using verbal affirmations;
Asking specific questions to clarify a nebulous topic; and
Waiting to disclose your opinion (or taking an intentional pause before speaking).
Body language also plays a critical role in active listening to convey feelings of concern, empathy, interest, engagement, etc. However, it is the tone and the specific language used in an in-person or virtual business discussion that are the most critical to having a productive discussion.
“The aim of listening is to ascertain what the other side is trying to achieve… ‘Every time you share an opinion, you give out information about yourself’ [or your ego]. In contrast, a good listener, by keeping quiet, gains an edge over his or her counterpart.” Not only can you gain an edge – especially in a negotiations setting (read my blog on due diligence), but you can learn something key to your negotiation or about your client or colleagues.
Be that active listener in the room (or on Zoom) – and learn. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. When you are talking, you are not listening. Make your meetings more productive – and perhaps find an opportunity to make impactful change – by actively listening to your colleagues and waiting until the end of the meeting (not the beginning) to make an informed decision based upon what you have learned. By practicing active listening in all of your conversations, you will find you will have improved working and personal relationships that propel you forward.
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